Pre-Primavera Jitters

This is a prelude to Primavera Sound 2012, Barcelona.

The initial plan to go Europe to visit our friend in Zaragoza turned into a week of Barcelona for me. Due to my shitty job, I didn't have enough leave to join my friends to conquer Europe. In an effort (albeit weak) to make myself feel better, I console myself with "I shall save Europe for another trip." I hope it materializes.

I've been to a one day music festival. Laneway. I was shit tired after that. It's pretty daunting looking at the lineup, the different venues and timings. On top of what to bring and what to wear. Primavera Sound 2012, here I come!

I'm sweating while I type this. The humidity is unforgiving. I shall turn off the fan and switch on the aircon instead.

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."

- Orson Welles

Strange

When words fail. When emotions are disarray. I can and will only retreat to music. I'm uncomfortable talking about things that upsets me. I'm horrible at being coherent when I'm not sure how to feel. I don't enjoy explaining myself to others when I'm uncertain. I'm happy and utterly sad at the same time. It's perplexing. I think I know why I'm sad but I can't seem to snap out of it. I'm not sure why. Which is aggravating me every day.

I found a song that describes how I feel right now.

I can't find the right words to explain or try to make others understand why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling right now. So I'm just going to leave it to Patsy Cline to help me today.



Strange, how you stopped loving me
How you stopped needing me
When she came along
Oh, how strange

Strange, you changed like night and day
Just up and walked away
When she came along
Oh, how strange

Well, I guess that I was just your puppet
You held on a string
To think I thought you really loved me
But look what thoughts can bring

Strange, you're still in all my dreams
Oh what a funny thing
I still care for you
Oh, how strange
I don't know why. I think about you every day.

Twenty Twelve

Grandeur plans for the new year? No such thing.

2011 was a terrible year. One I hope to forget. At the age of 25, I fell in love and got my heart broken.

This year, I just want myself back. I want a calmer heart. A stronger mind. I want to be okay. I don't want to beg for someone's attention and allow anyone to treat me like dirt. I deserve better. No one is worth my time or love, if they don't realize how much they mean to me.

Above all, I hope I can finally let go. Trust that I'll find another. Someone who's willing to go through great lengths for me. I know I'm willing to do so. For the right person. Sounds romantic? Honestly, I think I'm being practical.

In the meantime, I need to distance myself and keep chugging ahead. With or without your love abuse.

I hear Tokyo calling. Less than a month to go.

If a movie were being made about your life, what actress would portray you?

A question from Formspring triggered me to do a quick google search on Eva Green.

If I die, I want to come back as a second Eva Green. A lower grade Eva Green. But Eva Green nonetheless.

I think she's perfect.

Cute Boys With Cats

Because I absolutely fail at real life and guys in general - it's easier and almost comforting to turn to the internet (especially google) for a temporary state of happiness. A smile. Even for awhile.

James Dean. Playing with a siamese cat. Two of my favorite things.

My life is complete.






I can die happy.

Truly.

Bronze like a Brazillian

I ended my day by ironing.

My most hated chore in the whole wide world. So much for spending the day doing my favourite things, eating my favourite things. Not sour about it. Just merely stating. Documentating.

Egged by friends. I will start (for real, this time) to write everything and anything. Even information that is of zero value. Or so, it seems - at that point in time.

26. What have I done with my life?